My Macmillan nurse

My Macmillan nurse

I’ve mentioned my incredible nurse throughout this blog, and I truly would have been lost without her! She is one in a million!

Sadly she is now hanging up her uniform to retire and spend time enjoying her husband and put her feet up and enjoy life. When I heard I was devastated she is literally one of my main mechanisms of support and also now more like a friend. I soon got head around it but she will be very missed by many.

Macmillan nurses are so incredible and I’m sure they are all equally as good as each other but Maggie is one in a million and I couldn’t let this go past without recognising it.

The Work Macmillan provide on diagnosis, throughout treatment and after treatment is incredible and to anyone who hasn’t reached out to a nurse you really should. They helped me with funding, coping, forms, and just that person who didn’t know me and always listened.

I hope to stay in touch with Maggie on a friend basis now and hope many others are as blessed as me with their nurses!

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World cancer day

World cancer day

Waking up today is like no other day, world cancer day should be everyday, more and more advances are being made but the awareness and fundraising needs to continue also.

4 years ago in September I was diagnosed with non Hodgkins lymphoma in my mediastinum. I had 9 long months of chemo followed by a month of radiotherapy, psychologist sessions and fertility tests.

Today 2 years In remission, nearly three, and a beautiful baby boy later I am blessed to be here and in awe of my little family. Yesterday I looked around my dressing room and remembered how grateful I am for even the smallest things.

my hair brushes and straighteners I use daily that I once packed away because I lost my hair, baby clothes on the airer! (Yes baby clothes!) washing everywhere, so lucky to have our special little man Ethan! And a wedding photo my amazing husband who helped me through every day of treatment and continues to help me everyday (yes everyday! Cancer never truly leaves you).

The nurses, doctors, support workers continue to support me even now and have become more like a family at the hospital. I am forever grateful to the whole team and what they do each and every day.

Weeks don’t go by without me thinking about cancer and fears of it returning but having lost people to the disease I also take time to remember them and will continue fundraising in memory of them. Grateful for every day and take one day at a time.

#grateful #worldcancerday #makeachange

Ethan – my lil happy miracle

Ethan – my lil happy miracle

So I have not posted for a while I’ve had my hands full with our little boy.

Ethan arrived on 21/10/2017 after a long day in labour ward he came out with no complications and was perfect (I’m biased)!

7lb 13 and beautiful our little boy stole our hearts, from the moment we saw him on the 9 week scan and even more so when he was handed to us.

When I was told a few years ago that there was a chance I wouldn’t conceive it kind of made me want this lil man and motherhood even more than i already did. I understand now how overwhelming and amazing it is to feel this kind of love. A love like no other and entirely unconditional.

I also appreciate that this is not the journey some people have after treatment and for that I am 100% grateful for every single day.

I am loving being mummy and completing our family. I am also grateful for my health every day I get out of bed. My check ups seem to come round quickly and I still worry myself to death the week leading up to them, but the hospital are fantastic and I would t be without the support you give.

Anyways signing off one very happy yet slightly sleepy mummy morley xxxx

#blessed #unconditional #love #ourboy #familycomplete

3 years today since diagnosis

3 years today since diagnosis

Not many words needed for today’s update, 3 years since I had my lymphoma diagnosis and another fab year passed! Baby’s 8 weeks away and things are good. Take each day as I find it. Xxxx

Hope to others….

Hope to others….

So I have been in remission from NHL large mediastinal lymphoma for nearly two years in June. On diagnosis I was given treatment within a week and told that starting a family may be out of the question or could be difficult. At that time I was devastated but trusted the hospitals decisions and didn’t have time to have any eggs harvested. I had a test pre chemo to see how my fertility looked, and the results of that was promising. During chemo I had a monthly injection to keep my eggs under wraps if you like and reduce the blood flow so that not all of them were damaged.

I am now like I say a few years on and have been enjoying life and finding our new normal, we had expected conception to be difficult but started trying anyway. Three months (only three!!) we are very happy and over the moon to announce our dream came true and are expecting our first child in October!

I hope by sharing this news it will give many women in my situation hope, I read many blogs when I was having treatment and recovering and posts like this gave me that extra positivity and hope.


Lisa xx

Hope, happiness and love 

Hope, happiness and love 

Seeing out 2016 with a post.

2016 brought with it another heap of memories, fun, laughter, much less tears and normality.

Remission for 1 year and 6 months, and approaching two years since my chemo came to an end.

From a cancer point of veiw things have still been hard, so many people have been less fortunate than me and although I’m truly greateful for my good health I feel the pain that others go through and continue to try and help others where I can and raise money when I can.
Positivity and love from family and friends and my incredible nurse is what keeps me going.

Life is a gift and I’m trying to make sure I live it to the full and continue to appreciate every day.

My New Years resolution is to continue setting goals and achieving them, I firmly believe you can do anything you set your mind to and my drivers are work and my bucket list which seems to double each year! A cure for cancer would be amazing but I can only keep up my small contribution by donations,fundraising, volunteering and blogging which will continue always.

I don’t know what’s ahead but I know I am lucky to be able to see a path xx

Just sharing some nice things 

Just sharing some nice things 

First night out since recovery that I’ve felt in top form again with my friends.

Times a great healer and my friends are keepers! Love a good hen night – can’t wait for the wedding stace.

#hairisback

Rest in Peace – heaven gained two beautiful angels xx

Rest in Peace – heaven gained two beautiful angels xx

So i have had my blog for two years now and started my blog because of a terrible disease deciding to take over my body.

That terrible disease is CANCER, being diagnosed back in September 2014 soon made me wake up to something I hadn’t really fully understood before.  The realisation soon kicked in that actually so many strains exist and not enough treatment and cures are available.

Along my way I have followed some truly inspirational people who have all been through so much,and have definitely helped me by sharing information through blogging and also helped many others through fundraising.

Two weeks ago the lovely Roweena Kincaid passed away after a long long fight with cancer and this morning I have learnt that Anna Louise Swabey has too passed away.

These two ladies blogs were my go to when i was sick and they showed me that life is precious and that although this path we have been on is tough you should love life and take each day as they come and be happy.

Anna’s blog was set up so she could-

  • Raise awareness
  • Raise money for Brain Tumour Research Campaign
  • Support others
  • use it as a coping mechanism to let out her feelings

She raised over £80,000 in two years, her blog supported so many people in a similar situation, and I can only hope it did help her with each day sharing and hearing from others.  She gave her time to charity and others selflessly to raise awareness and she definitely made a difference in her few years fighting for the BTRC.

Rest in peace you beautiful girl – I never met you but feel like I have known you my whole life.

Roweena – well anyone who has watched her programme or followed her posts will see that she was infectiously lovable and crazy lady.  She really showed cancer that it may have her body but it certainly didn’t have her heart and mind.  I would encourage anyone with or without cancer in their lives to watch her programme Before I kick the bucket on BBC Wales.

Roweena you showed me how not to let cancer take away who I was and to see past the cancer and live life to it’s fullest.  You really were the true Wonderwoman xxx

Sleep tight you beautiful ladies and know that everything you did really will continue to help and support so many.

My love and thoughts go out to Anna and Roweena’s family.

Lisa x

Anna’s blog – https://annaswabey.wordpress.com/

Annas just giving – https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/InsideMyHead

Roweena’s facebook page – https://www.facebook.com/lilmissbucketlist

 

 

Last blog post….xxxx

Last blog post….xxxx

So it’s time to sign off this is my last post… I’m really hoping my blog continues to help others in a similar position to me, but I’ve decided to hang up my blogging hat for a little while to continue to focus on loving and enjoying life.

Writing this blog did lots for me, it informed family and friends how i was, it helped other people, but most of all it really helped me.  It was my release and saved me on many occasions from loosing my temper, getting upset and just helped me share and also gather information.

I may be back from time to time to share the odd bit of news, and if I feel I have something helpful to share but as i said above I need to focus on the here and now and making a happy future for myself and not looking back for a while.

Anyone reading who is just about to face something life changing should always remember to have hope and surround yourself with amazing people.

I couldn’t have dreamed of getting as far as i have without my AMAZING PEOPLE (I love you all dearly and you all know who you are).

L xxx

 

 

Hair happiness X X 

Hair happiness X X 

So a hair update is about due I think- finished chemo last Feb and my hair is well and truly back. I lost my hair two weeks into my first chemo session, I had some great wigs and head scalfs but feeling very happy it’s returning back to normal.

Had it dyed and cut yesterday and it’s the first time since I lost it that I was actually excited when I left the hair dressers ❤

This sounds quite silly really but it’s a massive step forward. Feeling very greatful xxxx

After treatment…then what…

After treatment…then what…

This is a great doc about after cancer…what happens next.

Not as easy as it looks but achievable in time 🙂

www.cancercounselling.org.uk/Peter Harvey – After the Treatment Finishes then What.pdf

 

 

 

Cough cough go away

Cough cough go away

So when I got sick I had a seriously bad cough, it made m physically sick and was over 12 week period. Today I woke up feeling pretty rough and have a cough, an absolutely normal kind of cough, but took me straight back to that time. Nothing some tablets and my duvet won’t cure but  for a few minutes was a worry.

Remember being ill is a normal part of life and worrying won’t do any good. Always thankful of each and every day, thinking about the lymphoma is slowly subsiding to minimal time a day now.

L xxx

Hair products 

Hair products 

Last year I packed away my hair products and today without realising my dressing table looks like it used to, Bobby pins, hair bands, straighteners, hair dryer and even a small bobble. Funny how packing these things away was so painful but it’s all become normal again without me even realising.

Feeling very thankful

Lax

An inspiring lady.

An inspiring lady.

Through blogging and joining groups on Facebook I have read so many stories of other people’s experiences.

One in particular is Rowena Kincaid, she did a programme last year about bucket lists – before I kick the bucket. She was told she wouldn’t see her 40th birthday and she has defied those odds. She is always posting great things on Facebook raising awareness of cancer, the symptoms and side affects, she shares information some people never would she is truly an inspiration. She has a new programme coming out soon but follow her and watch her programmes they are so eye opening and so brave.

http://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/health/terminally-ill-rowena-kincaid-starts-8073555
Appreciate everything!
Lisa X

7 months clear 

7 months clear 

So today was my seven month check and I’m very glad to be in remission still.

These appointments are routine and I guess normal for people looking in from the outside, but they mean so much more to me.

The nerves kicked in early January, and have built up over the month, it’s such a relief to not have to go again for three months.

I’m in a good place though to be fair, I’m slowly making progress with the hair growth, back at the gym, going back to uni, making loads of fun plans and not feeling so full of fear! I’m just taking one day at a time and looking forward to the positives only.

A whole years passed since chemo and that’s just crazy in itself! Still have 100% faith in my hospital medical team and they fill me with more and more reassurance as time passes.

To anyone just starting treatment I’d just say keep going, be as positive as you can and always have hope, I lost a year and myself but have found a stronger person at the end of the treatment, it’s tough emotionally but you can get through it xxx

L X

Image

Preparing for chemo day tips

It is a year today since i had my last chemo, i am glad to say I am in remission and working through life after cancer.

But I never forget preparing my bag for chemo, there are things you take with you that can  help make the day a little easier.  I just wanted to share this for anyone who may be starting chemo that may need some tips, i picked things up as i went along, speaking to people on clinic days, making chemo friends and reading other peoples blogs.

I was on a 7 hour chemo treatment, so my day in the hospital seemed much better when i went prepared.

 

51e7a50fcc371ace6c8ddf611ed39503

 

L xx

Happy New Year lovely people xx

Happy New Year lovely people xx

Not been writing much of late, not had too much to say, been busy enjoying Christmas with family and friends.

My 2015 didn’t hold what I dreamed of pre-Lymphoma, but it was a good year and those dreams are just being held on to for future years.

No resolutions for me this year, but i am going to try out a memory jar in the new year.  Starting on New year’s day i will fill it with good things that happen, laugh out loud moments, memories on special days, and happy memories made on those spontaneous days.  Next new year I will crack open the jar and remind myself again of why life is so precious.

2015 doesn’t need a jar – my year started with some chemo and rads, but is ending on a high.  Thanks to family and friends my year has been lovely.

Lots of things that made me smile in 2015- 

Last chemo, end of radiotherapy, hobbit house getaway, Centre parcs, 30th birthday celebrations,Somerset trip, spa, Dirty Dancing, cocktails, back to work, Christines 30th, Cats 30th, Egypt, Laura’s wedding, Maria had baby Jack, Theo was born, became his proud godparents,ditched the wigs, first hair cuts, hair dyed, made over £700 at Macmillan coffee morning, Mum turned 60, Christine had baby Henrie, trip to Camden, Centre parcs spa with some of the girls, Zoo trip, murder mystery, Rome, Gemma had baby Olivia, Christmas with all the family, and I saved the best till last REMISSION!

All these things were wonderful but the people who factor in all of these things are the best part – Our familyour friendsnew babies (love having cuddles)- colleagues, and of course – My hubby (cheesy but true he is my positive ray of light) – I wouldn’t be the person I am without having these people in my life, the support every one of them give is a blessing in itself.

I Will be continuing with lots of fundraising and volunteering in the new year, so keep and eye out and feel free to join in ❤

Happy New year all – see you in 2016!

L x

  • Its not about the things you have in life it’s about  who we have ❤
  • I’ll forever be thankful for the people around me xxx


Happy Christmas 

Happy Christmas 

Just a quick check in to wish everyone Happy Christmas, what a crazy year it’s been. So glad to be back at work and getting my new normal back.

Learnt lots since last year but the main thing is to be greatful, for every day, minute and year I have with my wonderful family and friends. So delighted to be in a different situation to last year, but also so aware of how different life could have been.

Happy Christmas fellow bloggers and thanks to everyone for reading xxx

And Always a thanks to my amazing friends and family for supporting me through so many emotions this year.

L X

December!

December!

Feeling festive – Its December, nearly time to say goodbye to the craziest year, which has taught me so much in so many ways.

Now to the christmas count down 🙂

All i want for christmas is happiness,friends, family, success and a happy future.

L xx

Book reviewing and meditation

Book reviewing and meditation

2nd Review – 100 Questions and answers about Lymphoma

So i’m onto my next book review……

This one is much more statistics and facts rather than someones journey with cancer.  Its really good for anyone recently diagnosed with Lymphoma specifically and also someone who has had it or is currently going through treatment.  It is very easy to read and understand and answered all my questions about Lymphoma. It covers – treatment plans, bloods, biopsy, lumbar puncture stages of lymphoma, types of infection, risks, remission.

It can be daunting reading books about your condition and I appreciate some people would rather just go with the information your DR will tell you, but if you like to know all the facts like I do, then i really would recommend this.

100 questions and answers about lymphoma.

Meditation-

Still going with my meditation, mindfulness techniques and of course my blog.

I think Andrew thinks i am slightly mad sitting and deep breathing and listening to strange audio tapes to help with anxiety and stress.

The hospital have advised 40 mins a day to be spent on myself – meditating or doing mindfulness techniques.  I have mentioned the apps before but here they are again-

Relaxapp

happify

chill Pill

InstaPepTalk

Headspace

Zenify

Mindful

Breathe2Relax

I use a mixture of these daily. Meditation doesn’t work for everyone but it seems to help me.

Lx

  

Children in need dreams 

Children in need dreams 

So last night I was lucky enough to take calls on the children in need call centre. I had the most amazing night supporting such a great cause ❤

From a small child I have loved children in need – I especially remember going to see Santa in Birmingham with my brother and cousins and using my money to buy a huge pudsey bear. I watch it every year and donate every year.

Once my shift was over I came home and watched some of it on the tv. Many children need support for many reasons – Abbie’s story really stuck with me as she lost her father to cancer and her mother is now battling terminal cancer. I have shared Abbie’s video below-

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p03803h8

I’m feeling very proud to have helped  and thrilled they made so much money last night to continue to help children in need.

L xxx

Hair Goals following chemo

Hair Goals following chemo

Lost Hair – Oct 14 = tick

Rocking a wig – October 14 = tick

Hair growing – Feb 15 = tick

Full head of hair – June 15 = tick

Hair dyed – July 15 = Tick

Long enough fro a quiff – November 15 = tick

Bob -November 16

Shoulder length – June 2018 back to how it was before I lost it!! #blessings

L xxx

First book to review 

First book to review 


   So not finished reading it yet but I ❤ it! Great way to express feelings and so easy to read, so many bits so far resonate with me and how I felt.

Lisa X

Duvet days – happy Halloween 

Duvet days – happy Halloween 

So I used to always get ill before cancer and so far been really well since the treatment, but this week I have felt rough but at least it’s just a bug.

I’ve done the grumpy stage, the worry I have some lymph nodes enlarged stage, but now currently in the curl up under duvet and rest stage. The main thing I think i keep forgetting is that I’m not superwoman and if my body says slow down I should, not good at that bit though, hate cancelling my plans and caving in to a crappy cold but my immune system is wrecked and feeling like I did yesterday maybe could have been avoided if I had listened to myself. Sleep was my medicine.

This time last year I was in my cucoon that is home in the middle of my second chemo routine avoiding anyone with a sniffle.

Very greatful that I’m here and 4 months clear – maybe slowing down is my answer but just want to enjoy every dayXXXX

Happy Halloween
L x

Book reviewing for Macmillan – Bookworm at heart <3

Book reviewing for Macmillan – Bookworm at heart <3

So as you are all aware, I am and always will be very grateful to Macmillan.

I recently did a coffee morning to raise money for them, raising a lovely sum of £700.

I have been looking at other ways to help and today have signed up to volunteer as a book reviewer!  This for me is great as I LOVE ❤ reading books of any kind!

What does a book reviewer do for Macmillan?

Macmillan book reviewers have had personal experience of cancer. This may be as a patient, caring for someone with cancer, as a family member, or health professional. For some books for children, reviewers with experience of working with children, e.g. teachers will also be considered.

Why do they need people affected by cancer and health professionals to review books and audiovisual resources?
Peoples comments about books and audiovisual resources will help them to advise staff in public libraries and cancer information centers about the most useful and appropriate books to stock. They will also help others affected by cancer to make a more informed decision about whether to buy or borrow a particular resource.

Feeling very pleased to be adding value by commenting and reviewing on books.  I am also amazed by the many different volunteering options that are available to people to join in on.  I think I have always assumed that volunteering generally consisted of working in a shop or selling things for charity.

I have linked below to the Macmillan volunteering page-

http://www.macmillan.org.uk/get-involved/volunteering/index.html

All the good news in the world but some days are tougher than others – always greatful though 

All the good news in the world but some days are tougher than others – always greatful though 

Feeling like superwoman 

Feeling like superwoman 

So may not have the body but Deffo have the fight power of superwoman.

Three month check a month late today and very happy to say all is well! Over the moon! 1 down 7 checks to go before the two year mark!

Thanks again as always to friends, family and colleagues, always at my side with support and especially my super man drew xxxx

Exceeded my target for Macmillan coffee morning

Exceeded my target for Macmillan coffee morning

Chuffed to bits we exceeded our target for Macmillan. My nurses were and still are  incredible.

Cancer seems to touch so many people’s lives one day maybe there will be a cure for all – always have hope

Thanks to everyone who came along, baked and donated it was a crazy but lovely day! XXXX


  
  

Cool apps 

Cool apps 

So I thought I’d take my blog and make it a bit more all round rather than just cancer updates. So I’m starting with phone apps.

I’ve had some anxiety of late and been using some tools to help, books, websites, breathing techniques. And now some apps. One helps with breathing techniques, the other is an all round happy tool and the other is an nhs recommended app! I love them all and depending on how I feel I use all of them throughout the week.


  
Other app which I just like is the Thompson holiday app – mainly good because our holiday is coming up but it’s a great reminder tool and gives you all the details you need at the touch of a button.

Hope this is of use to someone.

If I had to choose one favourite it’s Deffo the happify app.

Lx

Busy, busy,busy 

Busy, busy,busy 

So where do I start, been a while since I posted. What a few weeks we have had- started with cats 30th celebrations which included –

  • An amazing murder mystery
  • Centre parcs spa! Incredible
  • Trip to Rome! Awesome! 

All of the above were such fun and more lovely memories made with friends!

Then we had mine and drews Macmillan coffee morning where we raised over £650! A crazy day in the Morley house but a great way to raise money and socialise with all of our amazing family and friends- thanks again to everyone who came along, baked, donated and enjoyed themselves!

Married my soul mate three years ago yesterday and love him more today than ever, he has been my rock for the last 12 months and life just wouldn’t be the same without him by my side xxx

12 months since hair fell out and it’s back! Xxx

What’s next?

Egypt – finally a holiday on the beach it’s been two years and I just cannot wait! I was a person who would count down from a month before but since cancelling a few holidays I’ve left the excitement to a few days before!! Eeeeeek!

Very anxious to be leaving the country but know deep down I’m fine! I have been in remission three months and have my first check up at the end of the month.

Love and smiles

Lisa xxx

Mindfulness 

Mindfulness 

been to the pshycologist today, been seeing her now for a quite a few weeks, it’s the best thing I’ve done after my treatment. I am more focussed, have less anxiety, much calmer in general. Not seeing her till after my holiday to Egypt now but continuing with my mindfulness techniques- I have a great book through Amazon which has loads of 10 min techniques, colour therapy helps still and other techniques she gives me. Anyone struggling should definitely consider it, nothing wrong with talking through things.


  

1 YEAR – 12 MONTHS – 365 DAYS – I’m still winning

1 YEAR – 12 MONTHS – 365 DAYS – I’m still winning

1 YEAR – 12 MONTHS –  365 DAYS – 52 WEEKS – SEPT 14 – SEPT 15 – Large B Cell Mediastinal aggressive Lymphoma 

Diagnosis came – 4 September 2014

Treatment length – 7 Months – R-CHOP Chemo every 21 days X 6 lots – Radiotherapy X20 blasts over a month.

Off work – 9 Months, September 14 – May 15

 Remission date – 17th June 2015

Back at work full time – 02 September 2015

First Three month check – 16 September 2015


What a difference a year makes, I have outlined those key dates for anyone at the start of a battle, if someone had told me that in exactly a years time I would be back at work full-time and enjoying life again I would have thought they were lying.

It wasn’t easy but when you have to fight you will, one year on and my hair is back, I am working again full-time, finding a new normal, exercising, enjoying life, and taking every day one at a time.

Remission brought lots of relief to our family and friends but brought with it some trying times mentally for me, but seeking help through the amazing team at the hospital has helped no end, knowing help is always available is a great support to me.

L xx

Shattered but a fab day out 

Shattered but a fab day out 

went to London today with Drew and the dads, late daddy’s day trip to Wembley

God parent duties tomorrow at church to meet the vicar,for little theo, very proud to have been asked and look forward to teaching him lots as he grows up!

Nearly full time with work now so feeing extremely shattered but determined not to moan as I am so happy and appreciative of life and the opportunities it is bringing to us both. Pshycologist appointments are getting further apart but would reccomend them everyone who may need help after cancer, best thing I’ve done after treatment. Not long till my first check up after remission but staying positive 🙂

L x

  
  

What a difference a year makes…. 

What a difference a year makes…. 

Firstly i just want to congratulate Matt and Laura on the wedding of the year yesterday, Andrew and I had a lovely day and wish them all the love and happiness for the future.

A year ago yesterday we attended another beautiful wedding of Fay and rich – happy anniversary guys.

I was quite poorly back then but had no reason why, a few weeks later the reason I had been so poorly was discovered – mediastinal large B cell lymphoma – in other words cancer. I have had a tough ten months but yesterday I laughed, smiled and cried a shed load of happy tears and joy. I haven’t laughed so much in so long. I felt confident with my hair and just had a great day no worries at all, it is great to feel that sense of happiness again. I’m carrying a few extra pounds and yeah my hair isn’t quite how I want it but happiness is the main thing and I truly was that yesterday 🙂

The night before started it all off wonderfully, a trip to see the bodyguard at the theatre with mum- her favourite film. Love making new memories and making mum smile. Hope she loved her 60th birthday pressie xxx

Anyway just a little update and spreading a little bit of happiness xxx

  
  
  
  

Coping after lymphoma

Coping after lymphoma

SO from the title you can see where my latest blog is headed.

After a fight with treatment and kicking its ass I genuinely thought this next bit, the happy remission part world be a walk in the park. Oh how I was wrong.

Some may read this and think “God I’d just be so greatful to be alive and well” and I am   genuinely am all of those……

But over the last two weeks it been tough, mentally tough, hit me from nowhere and scared me a lot. Frightened, anxious, feeling out of control and utterly fed up. Never even through treatment have I felt that negative and clouded with fear and just a wreck of emotions. Thankfully after a trip to the doctor and talking to friends and pshycologist I’m out of that cloud and can see much clearer again.
People who have experienced cancer warned me, my Macmillan nurse warned me that the remission part early on can really affect people, I genuinely thought no I’ll be fine! So anyone going through what I did for the last two weeks then don’t fear this is normal, doesn’t feel normal but now I can see that it is. Speaking to professionals may sound silly but does no harm and I feel so much better even after a week. Fear is a strange thing and can make you Ill if you let it eat you up. I know I have more bad days ahead but I also know I would not be human if I wasn’t scared sometimes.

I’m doing more things to try and relax – colour therapy which is very relaxing, reading, listening to some voice clips on an app called don’t panic, learning at work, talking to people when I need to.

Think I’ve mentioned this before but I’ve been trying to find normal life again but I need to shape a new normal now as the old normal has gone, but nothing wrong with that either really what is normal????

Hope this doesn’t come across too negative as that’s not how it’s intended but if anyone has or is feeling like this may be able to take something from this post.

L xxx